I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
