I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
