Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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