If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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