i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
