don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
