Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
