You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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