Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
