My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
