I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
