his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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