I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
