Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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