At least make sure they are 18
Why
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
