dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
