Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
