70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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