I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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