i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
