roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
