that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
