Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
