Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
