I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
