That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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