it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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