Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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