3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
