You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
