my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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