Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
