i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
