I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
