i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
