and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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