We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
