im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
