My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
