We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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