U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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