So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
