I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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