pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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