we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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