I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
