my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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