I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
