I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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