So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
