He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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