Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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