Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
