I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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