capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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