I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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